These essays are an exercise in the use of satire, hyperbole, and overstatement by developing writers.
They are intended to be humorous, not offensive. Read them closely; take them lightly.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Vans Shoes

Andrew Shupe

Shoe styles of CN students change very quickly. A popular shoe can turn out of style very easily. Such as many CN students like moccasin shoes but will soon lose interest. But, one shoe company CN students have never stopped liking.

Vans skate shoes have never gone out of style. These shoes where made a very long time ago but, CN students some how think that they are the holy grail of all shoes. At the CN dances you will see the long row of vans shoes outside the door.

Why do CN students find these shoes so delectably attractive? They love these shoes because everyone around them loves these shoes. The CN students have worn Vans shoes over and over like broken record. When will this shoe tyranny end? No one knows.

CN students had to make something so that Vans wouldn’t go out of style. So CN students started wearing black mid-calf vans socks. This way you can look in style with your vans shoes and retro with socks. The really intense Vans wearers will accompany their Vans shoes with two pairs of high socks. CN students think this will make them twice as retro.

Many CN students think skaters are totally lame. But what they don’t understand is that the vans shoes they are wearing were made for these lame skaters. So the next you see someone wearing Vans you can tell them, “Hey, I didn’t know you wore Vans, I thought those were only for lame skater kids.” They will reply “No, I just think there cool shoes, I can express my individual style with shoes that half of the other people in this grade are also wearing.” You can reply, “Oh, I’m so sorry I totally misjudged you.”

In conclusion, you should never confront a group of Vans wearing mid-calf sock wearing hooligans with this question. You might be beaten with abnormally long key chains hanging from their skinny jeans, which hold the keys to their precious pickup truck.

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Comments are encouraged. Each will be reviewed by Mr. Smith before posting. Any comments that are mean spirited or use inappropriate language toward the school or its students will not be posted. I especially welcome compliments, constructive criticism, questions, or general feedback on the essay.