These essays are an exercise in the use of satire, hyperbole, and overstatement by developing writers.
They are intended to be humorous, not offensive. Read them closely; take them lightly.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Big Trucks

Harrison Biddulph

Within Cardinal Newman culture, your transportation choice says a lot about you. If you drive a new BMW or Mercedes Benz, it says that you are rich and spoiled by your parents. Cardinal Newman parents prefer these cars. But, most students prefer trucks. If you drive a big truck, it says that you are most likely a football player or an aspiring player. They prefer trucks because it is the only car that they can find big enough to transport their ego.

Why would Cardinal Newman students want to drive trucks? First, the truck beds are perfect for tailgating after school. Normal tailgating usually consists of sitting shirtless in the truck bed with a few Ursuline girls trying to look natural as they desperately try to look cool. If girls don’t want to join them, which they usually don’t, they will just sit with their best friend and express their feelings about their bromance.

Also, they feel that when they do this they are fitting in with other teenagers that aren’t rich. They also feel that playing down their wealth will get them middle class friends. Unfortunately, many Newman students live in the posh suburbs of Fountain Grove so they have little or no need for rural farm vehicles. Trucks also give the impression they work hard, but the truth is most Newman truck owners have never cleaned out a barn, have never even cleaned their room. Their Moms do that.

When approaching Newman students about their trucks always be very cautious, they can take offense easily. It is a good idea to start off with a complement such as “You’re truck is hella sick.” Also never point out that they are expensive to buy, and expensive to drive, saving is no fun to Cardinal Newman students, they will take this as a compliment

No comments:

Post a Comment

Comments are encouraged. Each will be reviewed by Mr. Smith before posting. Any comments that are mean spirited or use inappropriate language toward the school or its students will not be posted. I especially welcome compliments, constructive criticism, questions, or general feedback on the essay.