These essays are an exercise in the use of satire, hyperbole, and overstatement by developing writers.
They are intended to be humorous, not offensive. Read them closely; take them lightly.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


Kyle Evans

Yes, a very serious relationship between two males can exist without being of a homosexual nature. Its formal name is a bromance.

At the all-boys school of Cardinal Newman, these same-sex “romances” are everywhere. A bromance is when two guys are very close friends and when seen in public are usually always together. When one of these connections starts, you will notice these two guys talking all the time, sitting next to each other in class, and of course eating lunch together along with other bro-couples.

As the relationship progresses, you will notice that the two guys are starting to look more and more similar as their clothes and hair styles start to reflect. Do not be alarmed, this is completely normal. Usually the two guys play on a Cardinal Newman sports teams together and will eventually move on to doing the same activities outside of school as well. It’s not that having a bromance at Cardinal Newman is popular. It is a natural occurrence for all who attend this school. This connection is liked by CN students because it gives them someone to relate to since serious bromancers are almost identical in personality as well as appearance. Also, if you ever encounter a partner project in a class you immediately know who you are going to pick with the relief that that person will pick you back.

Take note that two guys in a bromance do not recognize it. Only those outside this sacred connection can perceive it. If you attempt to point out to two guys that they have this relationship you will be swiftly denied and slightly disliked. If you sincerely wish not to be disliked by the people you irritated then you should try to form your own bromance and then you will be understood by bromancers you annoyed. However, this bond cannot be suddenly formed as it can take up to several years to find your true bro-soulmate.

A bromance can improve your life where a heterosexual relationship fails. Because of this reason, many guys prefer a bromance to a troubling romance with a female. Your bro-partner will be low maintenance and always fun to be around. When together you don’t have to worry about looking good and any mock sensitivity and expensive gifts can be forgotten. It is guaranteed that a bromance relationship will be stable and always long term. With these relationships there is usually very little tension and since guys are regularly very chill and relaxed, any fight is quickly resolved with a manly hug.

So if you want to find yourself a nice guy to start a bromance with come to Cardinal Newman.

1 comment:

Comments are encouraged. Each will be reviewed by Mr. Smith before posting. Any comments that are mean spirited or use inappropriate language toward the school or its students will not be posted. I especially welcome compliments, constructive criticism, questions, or general feedback on the essay.