These essays are an exercise in the use of satire, hyperbole, and overstatement by developing writers.
They are intended to be humorous, not offensive. Read them closely; take them lightly.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Avoiding Rosales

Charles King

Cardinal Newman Students enjoy taking part in many various activities at Cardinal Newman High School. These activities include football, looking at girls, eating pizza, and taking part in bromances. But only one activity may be more popular than any other: avoiding the school Dean, Mr. Rosales.

This ex-Marine is very good at his job and is highly trained (probably at some Dean boot camp) in finding students out of dress code or other such infringements of the rules and giving them a detention. There are only three possible ways to remain stealthily under the Rosales radar. The first is to have another sibling that has either graduated from Newman or is still a student at Newman. Rosales must already be good friends with that sibling; otherwise, this tactic would have the opposite effect. The second and easiest way to become friendly with him is to join the cross country team (he is the cross country coach at Piner High School). The last way is to never break the rules, but Newman students are much too lazy to think of this prospect, and instead take on the more difficult route in attempting to navigate around Rosales’ traps.

Cardinal Newman students enjoy avoiding Rosales and it has become somewhat of a sport among the students. Those watching either get the amusement of seeing the student get caught by Rosales and given a detention or they learn new and improved ways of avoiding Rosales. The students actually evading Rosales get even more out of it, testing out new and various strategies useful in their tactics escaping Rosales’ grasp.

Other times, Rosales doesn’t go looking for those who are breaking rules, he looks for students that he enjoys talking to. Sometimes, if one of Rosales’ “friendlies” is breaking a rule or just doesn’t want to talk to him, they too attempt to avoid him.

One important thing about Rosales: students can always hear Rosales before they see him. He projects his “I’m a lieutenant” voice so that it can be heard from an incredible distance away. When tracking a student, his voice gets louder. Rosales does have one tactic that he uses frequently, and students will get caught unless they see him before he sees you. He tends to call the name of the student he is looking for before they have the chance to run away. This way, they have been singled out and you have no chance of escape, and must surrender. You can only hope that he wants a little conversation, but for the majority of the time, it’s for a detention. If he comes into one of your classrooms during a class, it’s over. Being pulled out is followed by interrogation and then punishment in the form of a detention. It is more embarrassing than him catching you otherwise because everyone is informed of your newly acquired detention.

This game is all part of the education at Cardinal Newman, and maybe the learning students enjoy most.

1 comment:

Comments are encouraged. Each will be reviewed by Mr. Smith before posting. Any comments that are mean spirited or use inappropriate language toward the school or its students will not be posted. I especially welcome compliments, constructive criticism, questions, or general feedback on the essay.